The Shadow Within
by DarlingVioletta777
Summary: Set during Seeing Red. Someone dies in place of Tara and sets of a series of events. Complete
1. Chapter One

Title: The Shadow Within  
  
Author: Jade  
  
Rating: Strong R  
  
Notes: This is based on a challenge by James, I have been writing it for a long time because I am a very slow writer. Basically the challenge was that Buffy takes Willow's place at the end of season six. She is led to this when Spike actually manages to rape her in Seeing Red and then something else happens. It begins after Spike has raped her. Some dialogue is lifted briefly from 'Seeing Red', a scene from Angel's 'The Price' and some dialogue from BtvS's 'Family'. The timelines of a few things aren't completely what happened in Seeing Red. DorkAngel, who is he? He is blatantly ignored in this fic as is really, the kidnapping of Connor, although mentioned.   
  
Warning: Much character death and violence.  
  
Thanks: Thank you ever so much Jo for all your help and input into this fic. It was very much appreciated. Thank you to Kyria for making this fic happen.  
  
Feedback: I am kinda nervous about this fic, so I would love some. jadefdfickledame.com  
  
Distribution: Walk Through the Fire. If you would like it, please just email me g  
  
The high-heeled boots clicked with every step she took down the sidewalk. The sound wore on Dawn's nerves, but she was already fifteen minutes late home so she kept up her speedy pace.   
  
She was just about to turn up into her driveway when the front door opened loudly. The teenager quickly ducked behind a bush. She watched with surprise as Spike hurried out, slamming the door behind him. Dawn's forehead crinkled in doubt- Buffy had reassured her that the "relationship" with Spike was over. Dawn's doubtful expression turned to disgust as she observed the huge satisfied smirk that spread across his face. He took off at a jog without noticing her.   
  
Slowly, Dawn picked up the bag she had placed at her feet, trudging up to the front door.   
  
"Buffy?" She called, as she slid off her coat and shuffled off her sneakers. She dropped her coat on the floor, knowing she would face Buffy's wrath later.  
  
There was no sign of her older sister as she walked around the house. Taking the stairs two at a time, Dawn called for Buffy again. Silence.   
  
Maybe Spike was just stealing something – again. Dawn shrugged and made her way back to the kitchen. She flicked the switch to the kettle and waited for it to boil. It was dark outside, but a shape caught her eye. Her eyes adjusted to the dark and she realised it was Buffy walking slowly around the garden. Puzzled, Dawn opened the backdoor and stepped outside. The coolness of the night air chilled her to the bone as she watched her sister's wavering form stumble in the dark.  
  
"Are you okay?" she asked, stepping hesitantly towards her.   
  
Gasping, Dawn eyes widened as she realised Buffy's robe was torn and hanging open. In the pale moonlight, the bruises stood out on her sister's skin, covering her body and face.  
  
"What happened?" she demanded. "It was Spike, wasn't it?" Buffy's silence spoke volumes as her eyes widened fearfully, at the mention of his name.  
  
The sisters stood in anticipation, staring at each other. Dawn turned wrathfully at the abrupt sound of pounding feet. To her surprise, it was Warren who tore around the corner of the house. Dawn's mouth fell open in horror as she gaped at the waving pistol in his hand.   
  
"You think you could just do that to me?" Warren cried. His pupils were enlarged and wildly darting about. "You think I'd let you get away with that?"   
  
His laughter seemed maniacal to Dawn's ears, a cacophony ringing through the night.   
  
"Think again." He aimed the gun, pointing at Buffy, but she made no move to save herself. Instead she froze, eyes empty at the danger.  
  
Dawn screamed, throwing herself at her sister as the gun went off with a loud bang. She became hazily aware of warm, wetness seeping down her chest as she caught a glimpse of Warren looking at her in panic, before turning and fleeing. Then her world went black.  
  
Buffy began to rock as she stared down at her little sister, now lying in a growing puddle of blood. A scream pounded in her head, over and over, until it tore through her throat.   
  
"Oh god, Dawnie." Buffy cried, dropping to her knees. She scooped her into her arms. "Please don't die."  
  
The world sunk away, leaving a young girl rocking her baby sister, pleading with her to live. She chanted Dawn's name like a mantra, pleading to whoever was listening for help.   
  
But no one did.  
  
Dawn took a final shuddering breath, before her heart stopped. Buffy's desperate scream could be heard streets away, but this being Sunnydale, no one came to her aid.  
  
"What time is it?" Willow asked, with a yawn. They had been researching into encrypting the codes Buffy had found at Warren's place for what seemed like hours at the Magic Box, and Willow was definitely ready to go home.   
  
Tara looked up from 'Demons on Earth.' "It's…" She was cut off by Willow's cell phone ringing shrilly.  
  
The red head fished it out of her pocket. "Hey Buffy," She answered, seeing her number on the screen.  
  
"G…gone wrong," Buffy's voice stammered.   
  
"What's gone wrong?" Willow questioned, a puzzled look on her face.  
  
"Blood. Everywhere." Her voice was thick with emotion. The line clicked off and there was silence.   
  
"Tara…something is going on. She didn't sound right. We need to go home – now." Willow rushed out, a look of panic crossing her face.   
  
She hit a button quickly on her phone and waited for Xander to pick up. The two girls got up and hurried outside, heading home.  
  
"Hello?" Xander said, sounding groggy.  
  
"Buffy just called…" Willow explained.  
  
"None of my business," Xander snapped, before she could continue.  
  
"And I think something is wrong," she said over his voice, louder. "Please meet me at her house." They continued to jog down the street, Tara slightly in front of her.   
  
"Fine, he sighed reluctantly after a pause.  
  
"The blood!" Drusilla suddenly shrieked, making everyone in the room jump.  
  
"Well that's annoying. Do you want the whole building to hear?" The demon, perching on the edge of his chair, snapped.  
  
Lilah turned and glared at him, "Be quiet." she looked at the dark haired vampire eagerly. "Go on Dru…"   
  
"The blood has started flowing, and it isn't going to stop." Drusilla whined, moving her hips slowly to a beat only she could hear.   
  
"Start the ritual, Gullon." Lilah commanded, sitting back in her recliner with a satisfied smirk.  
  
Gullon sighed and pulled out a green crystal from one of his many pockets. "As you wish," he said, waving his other hand over it. It lit up as he did so, making Lilah wince and look away. "It's done."  
  
"That's it?" Lilah asked, raising a recently plucked eyebrow.   
  
The large demon nodded and stood glowering at the much smaller brunette. He placed the crystal on the mahogany desk, "When it goes blue, she is within the crystal," he informed her in his voice that mainly consisted of growls. "To break the spell, smash it. It's as simple as that."  
  
Lilah nodded. "You will be greatly rewarded for this," she promised. Gullon nodded and turned to leave, just as Drusilla stepped forward and before could blink one of his many eyes, put her small hands around his neck and twisted. His body fell to the floor with a thud.  
  
"Thank you Dru," Lilah smiled, picking up the phone to call for somebody to get rid of him.  
  
"The house is dark. Everywhere locked," Xander informed them, having beaten them there in his car. Willow pulled out her keys and unlocked the door. She flipped the lights on.   
  
"I'll check upstairs, you check downstairs," she told Xander.  
  
Buffy's bedroom was empty. Her bed was neatly made; the room smelt of vanilla. The bathroom door was open and Willow glanced in. Shelves had been pulled down and the shower rail lay on the floor. The feeling in her gut gripped her tighter. Something had happened here. She heard footsteps behind her.   
  
"Nothing down there," Tara said, Xander right behind her.  
  
Tara opened the door to Joyce's old bedroom, now her own. It was empty. All eyes went to Dawn's bedroom door. Slowly they walked over, unwilling to face whatever lay in that room. Xander's hand was first on the door handle and he released it quickly. He turned on a lamp.  
  
Dawn lay in the centre of her bed. Her lilac bedspread, the one that had taken her three days of searching to find the perfect shade, had a deep red stain surrounding Dawn. Blood pooled down the front of her shirt and they could clearly see a bullet hole. Her eyes were closed and her face was white. Clutched in her hands was Mr Gordo.   
  
Tara was the first to find her voice and she cried out. She ran over to the young girl she so deeply cared about and felt her pulse, knowing already that it was fruitless.   
  
Willow let out a sob and fell to the floor, "No…" she moaned out loud, tears streaming down her face.  
  
It couldn't be possible. How could she be dead?   
  
Xander turned and ran of out the room; he went straight into Buffy's room and checked the trunk he had made her. Many weapons were missing. He shook his head grimly.   
  
"Buffy probably saw who did it and has gone to find them. She is probably torturing them right now." Anya sighed, a little too wistfully.   
  
Willow shot her a dirty look, before fresh tears slid down her rosy cheeks. How many others were they going to lose?   
  
"Crying isn't going to help you, you know," Anya said knowledgeably. "It won't bring Dawn back. I mean it's sad and everything…"   
  
"Shut up," Willow spat out, clenching her fist. "Who would do this? Who would shoot a sixteen year old girl in her backyard?"   
  
"I don't think they were aiming at Dawn," Tara put in and the room fell silent as they contemplated her words.   
  
Willow's mobile phone suddenly rang again, making them all jump.   
  
"Is it Buffy?" Xander enquired hopefully.   
  
"No, it's Angel's office," Willow answered. "Hello?" She was quiet for a long time. "Oh god," she murmured. "Okay, thank you." The Witch hung up.   
  
"We need to find Buffy – now."  
  
The car's engine hummed as Xander drove. They were all quiet, waiting for Willow to compose herself enough to speak.  
  
After a long silence she sniffled and took a deep breath. "Cordelia had a vision…"  
  
"She gets visions?" Xander interrupted.  
  
Willow ignored him. "She saw Buffy fighting a vampire and he threw her against a grave. Buffy was hurt – her back or something. When she got home, she was running a bath and Spike came in. H…he…" She paused again. "He wouldn't stop when she said no. He raped her."   
  
Xander sucked in his breath and hit the steering wheel. "Son of a bitch," he exclaimed.  
  
"Oh god…" Tara whispered.   
  
Willow continued to tell the group what Cordelia had seen.  
  
"She could see into her state of mind," Willow said quietly.  
  
"And?" Anya prompted.  
  
"Every one is the same to her; demons, vampires, humans. They are all equal in her mind. And she's looking for Warren."  
  
The car was silent the rest of the journey.   
  
There was a flurry of activity in the Hyperion Hotel. Everyone was working hard, restoring it back to its former self.  
  
"Ah, the old 'gives the place character' philosophy," Cordelia put in, trying to convince Angel to hire decorators. "Guess that served you pretty well living in rotted-out mansions and - " The newly blonde paused when she realised his attention was elsewhere.  
  
Angel reached down and picked up a pretty snow globe. He sat down on his chair and turned it over, to wind it up. A song filled the air as he turned it back round to watch the snow.  
  
"Don't know why I bought this for him," Angel said sadly. "A whim, I guess... Thought he'd like to look at it. The snow. Doesn't ever snow in Southern California."  
  
"Did once," Cordelia reminded him. He looked up at her, trying not to let his memory slip to where it wanted to go so desperately. Suddenly Cordelia let out a loud shriek and fell to the floor, convulsing. Angel darted around and moved objects away from her.  
  
"I thought the visions were painless now?" Fred cried, crouching next to her friend.   
  
Groosalugg nodded, "They are! Or…were."   
  
"No!" Cordelia yelled, seemingly struggling with an invisible person, "Please stop…Ow! No!"   
  
They all looked her with worried expressions on their faces.  
  
"What shall we do?" Fred asked, hoping someone else would have the answer.  
  
Angel shrugged helplessly. "This has never happened before. It's like she's in the vision itself."  
  
Tears poured out of Cordelia's closed eyes.   
  
"Spike, please stop…don't do this," she continued, now sobbing.  
  
"Spike?" Gunn queried.  
  
She fell silent all of a sudden and stood up. Her eyes opened wide, but they were a bright white instead of the usual brown. As if someone was shining a light behind them. Everyone took a step backwards.  
  
"Buffy?" Cordelia asked, breaking the silence. It was Dawn's voice.   
  
Angel gasped.  
  
"Are you okay?" Pause. "What happened?" Her voice was now more urgent. "It was Spike, wasn't it?"  
  
"You think you could just do that to me?" Cordelia suddenly shouted, a male voice no one recognised. "You think I'd let you get away with that?" She laughed. It sounded horrible, an insane laugh coming from deep within her. "Think again."  
  
A scream – Dawn's.   
  
The half-demon dropped to her knees and held an imaginary body, rocking her.   
  
"Oh god, Dawnie." Buffy's voice cried, "Please don't die."  
  
Cordelia started chanting Dawn's name, over and over. Her voice was full of grief. Finally she screamed. It echoed around the large hallway, round and round. It made them all jump. They all looked at each other in shock.   
  
"Cordy?" Fred whispered softly, giving her friend a shake. Still the Seer didn't break from her state.  
  
"Buffy? She's…" Gunn asked, not wanting to finish the sentence.  
  
Angel suddenly snapped out of his daze. "Cordelia?" he roared, "has this happened yet?"  
  
She stood still for a second longer before her knees gave way and she dropped until Angel reached out and caught her a second before she hit the ground.  
  
"Oh god," she moaned, her eyes opening. She looked up, her eyes wide and fearful. Tears continued to pour down her face. "I felt it…everything. Oh god… I have never had a vision like that. Like I was there…not just flashes."  
  
"Tell us everything you saw," Angel demanded. Fred frowned at him for being rough with her.  
  
"Give me the phone," Cordelia said forcefully, shaking her head.  
  
Fred handed it to her quickly and Cordelia dialled a number from memory.  
  
"Hey Willow, it's Cordelia. Don't say anything, just let me talk –" She continued to fill her in with everything she had seen. Watching Angel as he flicked through emotions, first rage as he heard about Spike, then grief at Dawn's death and finally the most amount of fear she had ever seen in someone's eyes.  
  
"I saw more; she's traumatised and grieving. And the Slayer within her is reacting to this. She has surrendered to the darkness within - the primal source of her power. Her strength is amazing; but while she is in this state of mind, the damage she could cause is horrendous. The vision ended then, I don't know if this is permanent or temporary."   
  
She stopped to take a deep breath. "Help her." She hung up the phone and burst into tears. Groo at once knelt next to her and pulled her into his arms.   
  
"I've never felt that much pain from one person," Cordelia sobbed.  
  
Chapter Two 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two  
  
"Turn left," Tara informed Xander. She was concentrating hard, using Magick to find her friend.  
  
Xander swerved the car round and sped on. Willow sighed and buried her head in her hands. She couldn't believe Dawn was gone. Someone so young and full of life. She couldn't even comprehend what Buffy must be going through.  
  
"A warehouse. Around here, she was there," her girlfriend said and the car came to a halt.  
  
The four got out of the car and looked around for an entrance.  
  
"There," Tara said, pointing to a hidden doorway, behind a large dustbin that was partially open.  
  
They filed quietly into the large, dusty room. Warren was lying in the centre of the room. His body had obviously been split open with a sharp weapon. Not one bit of his skin was unmarked. The stench of burning flesh was thick in the air.  
  
Tara turned and gagged, holding the wall for support. Xander grabbed hold of her before she fell and hurried back outside.  
  
"She's on her way to the prison," Anya informed them. The four stood outside the warehouse. All of them were trying to keep from throwing up.  
  
"How do you know that?" Xander asked, helping Tara towards the car.  
  
"I can.sense it." She looked away, not meeting his eyes.  
  
"Is this a thing left over from." He stopped, noting the guilty look on her face. He sighed. "When?"  
  
"When do you think?" Anya replied, narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Come on.we have to beat her there," Willow pressed, not wanting to get into an argument.  
  
Xander re-started the car and swerved away from the building.  
  
***  
  
"What is that noise?" Jonathan cried, sitting up from his bunk in Sunnydale police station.  
  
The two boys jumped up at the same time when they heard it again. Andrew ran up to the bars and shook them, trying to find a way out.  
  
"Like that's gonna work, dummy," Jonathan said, rolling his eyes.  
  
The loud thud sounded again, shaking the whole building. They looked at each other fearfully. The door suddenly banged open and Anya ran in, keys in hand.  
  
"How did you get in here?" Andrew asked.  
  
"Demon perk. Quickly, Buffy is breaking the wall down. She killed Warren and she's looking for you two."  
  
"Warren's dead? He can't be." Andrew protested, his face crumpling up.  
  
"He killed Dawn and Buffy has gone 'temporarily insane.' We need to hurry." She finished unlocking the door and pulled it open. "This way."  
  
Anya ran back out of the room, and down the back stairs. "Come on," she called back to them.  
  
All the police officers had run out of the building at the first sound, so no one challenged them.  
  
The blonde fumbled with the lock to the fire exit, before managing to get it open. Xander was waiting for them outside the door.  
  
"We need to hide," he told them, as they squashed into the back.  
  
"Where will we go?" Jonathan asked.  
  
"Haven't got that far," Willow answered, trying to think quickly for a safe place.  
  
"Nice plan," Andrew retorted.  
  
"You wanna go back?" Xander started.  
  
"Okay, stop it." Tara said, peacemaker as always. "Now is not the best time for this."  
  
"What are we going to do?" Willow quietly murmured, her eyes filling with liquid. "We have never faced anything like this."  
  
"Apocalypses are child's play in comparison," Xander finished.  
  
***  
  
Sorrow filled every fibre of her being, as Buffy gently laid Dawn down on her bed. She paused and tenderly stroked Dawn's cheek with the tips of her fingers. Her hair looked so dark against the bedcover and it shone in the light of the lamp.  
  
Buffy went into her bedroom and retrieved Mr Gordo. When Dawn was younger, she had desperately wanted the stuffed pig her older sister treasured.  
  
She placed it into Dawn's hands, over her stomach, and kissed her on the forehead.  
  
"Goodnight. Sleep well," she whispered, flicking the lamp off and closing the door with a soft click behind her.  
  
Her eyes turned cold and all pain left her body, as she paused for breath outside the bedroom. She felt her soul get smaller and she tried desperately to grab hold of it. It was no time to be losing it now. The darkness of the Slayer within her got stronger and stronger and she whimpered and fell to the floor in her struggle. The air became bitterly cold around her. Strength filled every muscle and all feelings died away. She slowly climbed to her feet. Only one feeling was left.  
  
Rage.  
  
***  
  
"Why?" Buffy asked, as Warren lay chained in front of her.  
  
"I wasn't aiming at her." He choked, spitting blood out. "I was aiming for you."  
  
"Oh, well that makes it okay then." The small blonde smiled, almost sweetly as she pressing the tip of the arrow into his stomach slightly further. He gasped loudly.  
  
"Why have you made it your mission to have me dead?" Buffy wondered out loud.  
  
Warren shuddered from the pain, before shaking his head.  
  
"You don't know? I am the only mother Dawn will - would have had," she corrected. "My friends don't cope too well with me being dead, you know. They always manage to bring me back." As she talked, she slid the arrow further down his body, as he screamed.  
  
"They are coming now, you know," she continued. "Trying to save the day. Trying to save me." The Slayer jumped to her feet and grabbed a tin of petrol.  
  
"Good bye, Warren."  
  
***  
  
Buffy thought about waiting to see her friends' reactions, then quickly dismissed the thought. It would be funny though. They had no idea what sweet, noble Buffy was capable of. They would probably go to The Magic Box after they found Warren. They were rather - predictable - that way.  
  
A loud, black motorbike came around the corner. It stopped and a man hopped off. Buffy walked over slowly; she reached him without him noticing her. He stood, looking as if he was waiting for someone. Her shoe hit a stone, making a tiny, pinging sound. The man spun at the noise but relaxed when he saw the small female.  
  
"Hello there, little lady." He smiled. She could almost see the flirting cogs in his brain start to turn.  
  
She didn't answer him. Grabbing his head, Buffy twisted it hard, with a loud crack. He slumped to the floor and lay there looking like a strangely positioned doll. Sliding onto the bike, she flicked the engine back on. It took her no time at all to find a demon and torture it until it lead her to Rack.  
  
She strode through the empty waiting room and slammed his door open. He stood in the middle of the room with a small smile playing on his lips.  
  
He almost groaned in ecstasy when he saw her. "You came, I knew you would. I felt it, the change of power."  
  
"Cut the crap and give me it," she snarled.  
  
"I've always wanted to taste you," Rack continued. "You smell so sweet, so dark and yet.the pureness is there, deep within you." He stepped forward and placed his hand on her chest. "Let me in, let me explore and I will give you want you want."  
  
"And that would be?" Buffy asked.  
  
"The world," he replied with a smirk. "All the power in the damned world."  
  
She felt a jerk through her body and the smile on his face widened. Rack moaned loudly and closed his eyes. A faint wind whispered through her hair and, as it did so, the strands darkened to brunette, until no trace of blonde was left. Shadows filled Buffy's hazel eyes until they were almost an inky black.  
  
The feeling suddenly stopped and Rack dropped to the floor unconscious. He had a look on his face as if he had just had the best lay ever.  
  
***  
  
The shop was dark when Buffy arrived a few minutes later. She jumped off the motorbike, discarded it behind a bush and made way to the back of the shop.  
  
She trashed the back door with a mere shove, and went in. Grabbing one of the candles from the shelf, she lit it with some matches behind the counter. Her acute ears heard Xander's car pull up and she pulled a chair out from under the table. Sitting down on it, she swung her feet up onto the wooden table and put the candle down next to her.  
  
The Slayer found a magazine on top of a pile of books and started flicking through while she waited.  
  
The door opened and Willow hurried in. She stopped dead when she saw Buffy. The red haired Witch gasped at her friend's drastic change in looks. Buffy's once shiny blonde hair was now a dark brown. And her eyes, once a bright green with brown flecks, now a dull, cold, browny-black. She was dressed in black jeans with a black top on, the bright red blood on her hands standing out sharply. Dawn's or Warren's, Willow couldn't tell.  
  
The sound of a car engine growled clear in the night and before Willow could move, they heard Xander's car pull away. Her heart pounded loudly, fear gushing through her veins. It was stupid, Buffy would never hurt her.  
  
Right?  
  
Buffy stood up. "Hey, Will," she greeted. "How you doing?"  
  
Willow looked around fearfully for a way out, but she knew even if she ran out of the door, Buffy would catch her in a couple of seconds.  
  
"You look terrible!" she suddenly exclaimed, then looked even more terrified. She paused before adding, "You killed Warren."  
  
"I did," Buffy confirmed, taking a step towards Willow, who in return took a step back. The door slammed with a loud bang and Willow let out a yelp of shock.  
  
"You can do Magick?" she asked in a panicked voice.  
  
"Yeah.it's neat. I get what the big thrill with it was, Will. One huge power trip." Buffy smirked, "You wanna test it?"  
  
"Not so much." Willow whimpered, hitting the wall as she continued to unconsciously move away. The knock jarred her and she hit a sense of reality. "Buffy, this isn't the way to go about it. I know revenge is the strongest feeling right now-"  
  
"As sweet as this little speech is, shut up." Buffy took a step towards Willow. "So, where are the others? They left you all alone."  
  
"I wanted to." Willow paused, realising she couldn't say exactly why she was here.  
  
"Let me guess? Xander has taken Jonathan and Andrew and is currently driving madly down the highway to escape evil little me, and they left you behind to find some Magick mojo to save everyone?"  
  
"Umm.w.well." Willow stuttered, going incredibly pale.  
  
"Really, Will, knew you wouldn't last on the no Magick rule. Kind of pathetic, really. Now then, as interesting as this discussion is, excuse me while I knock you out and tie you up." Before Willow could even think of a spell to protect herself, her best friend was in front of her and she felt a sharp pain deep in her head, before the world around her spun and sank away.  
  
***  
  
"We need to get out of Sunnydale," Xander declared. Anya turned to give him a look. Xander sighed as he slowed the car down and pulled up outside Buffy's house. "Do you want a lift back to The Magic Box?" he asked Tara, as she climbed out.  
  
"No, it's fine thanks. Just gotta grab these books and I'll go straight there," she answered.  
  
"Good luck," he said quietly.  
  
"Shouldn't we be getting out of this town now?" Andrew whined from the back seat of the car.  
  
"LA," Anya suddenly said.  
  
"Excuse me?" Xander said as he turned off the main road to go onto the highway.  
  
"We could take them to Angel. Wouldn't he be best at protecting them, with that tall, dark 'grr' ness he has?" Anya suggested. "I mean, none of us are strong enough to fight Buffy. And they had that tortured love thing."  
  
Xander sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know. I think the best thing right now is for me to drop them off at a motel somewhere and go back to Sunnydale. I'm not leaving Willow and Tara alone and I want you safe too."  
  
Anya shook her head. "No, you aren't leaving me here like a silly little girl that can't do anything, plus Willow and Tara can hold their own. Witches remember? What are you going to do? Joke at her to death?"  
  
Xander's brown eyes shone with hurt as he looked over at her. "Look, I don't know what to do. We have lost people we love and people try to destroy the world every other week it seems. But that's nothing compared to this. We can't kill Buffy, we can't hurt her, but the way she is right now, how else are we going to stop her?"  
  
***  
  
It was hard to decipher a rational thought in Buffy Summers' clouded mind. The need to inflict as much pain as possible on anything moving was the most palpable. She drove along Sunnydale's cold, dark streets looking for only one person.  
  
And he was going to suffer.  
  
The demons seemed to have sensed there was something amiss with the Slayer and had either got out of town as fast as they could or disappeared far enough underground they wouldn't be found, unless they were specifically being looked for.  
  
She closed her eyes briefly, concentrating her energy deep inside. Images flashed before her dark eyes, a port and a ship. So, Spike thought he could escape Sunnydale and get away with it?  
  
***  
  
Tara quietly opened the door to the Magic Box and crept in. She immediately spotted the lit candle and froze. Keeping very still she listened for any noise that would send her running. Hearing nothing she grabbed hold of what little courage she had remaining.  
  
"Willow?" she whispered. The brunette cleared her throat. "Buffy?" she said louder. Still no answer.  
  
Tara put her books down on the table and went to put the lights on. A small sound caught her attention and she spun towards it. Gasping, she saw her girlfriend tied and gagged sitting on a chair.  
  
"Oh my gods," she muttered, running towards Willow to untie her. The red haired Witch took a deep lungful of oxygen as tears poured down her face.  
  
"Tara, I think we lost her." Willow sobbed as Tara worked on the tight ropes keeping her bound to the chair.  
  
"Don't say that, there must be a way," Tara reasoned.  
  
"You didn't see her. She even looks different, and Tara she can even do Magick."  
  
The ropes finally dropped to the ground and Willow jumped out of the seat. "We have to do a binding spell," the red head called, already halfway up the stairs to the off-limits section. "A strong one," she added to herself.  
  
"Willow." Tara said, and then stopped.  
  
"I know! I know no more Magick, but." Willow cried.  
  
"But it's Buffy," Tara finished.  
  
Grabbing the book she was looking for Willow turned back to her. "Yeah, it is."  
  
Tara nodded understandingly, grabbing a handful of candles, some black, some white.  
  
"Then let's do it," she said.  
  
Willow smiled through her tears as she dropped everything on the floor. Tara came and sat opposite her and they held hands over the candles.  
  
Following the spell in the book, chanting the words loudly, the room temperature suddenly dropped. Gooseflesh appeared on the two women's arms and their voices got louder. The candles suddenly flamed into life and the temperature zoomed back to normal.  
  
"Keep going," Willow said.  
  
***  
  
Buffy gritted her teeth angrily as she felt the strong hum of the spell in the air. She should have killed the stupid Witch, not just tied her up.  
  
Slowing down the bike, she hopped off it. Pain twisted her gut as the spell hit her harder, falling to her knees she whimpered. Using her last burst of energy, Buffy sent a strong jolt back to them, to try and protect herself. It kept on coming. She screamed in pain and frustration a few seconds before she blacked out.  
  
***  
  
"Can I have one room for a night please?" Xander asked the lanky-looking attendant at 'Marci's Motel.'  
  
The boy, who seemed to be no more than fifteen years old, looked sceptically at the four people standing in front of him.  
  
"We have no dodgy business here," he said, shaking his head.  
  
"Ew!" Anya protested. "Like I would sleep with these people." Off Xander's look she added, "Well, I used to with him."  
  
Giving her an even stranger look the boy asked, "So one room between the four of you?"  
  
"No, just for these two." Xander replied, nodding at Andrew and Jonathan who hadn't said a word since they left Sunnydale. "I'm just paying for it."  
  
The boy smirked as he typed in some information in the computer.  
  
"That would be thirty dollars for a double room and forty five for two singles."  
  
"I'm not sharing a bed with him," Jonathan exclaimed.  
  
"You paying?" Xander snapped, "They can have the double." He paid and took the key off the boy. "Go to the room, lock it and don't leave it until we come back tomorrow."  
  
"I still think we should go to LA," Anya muttered.  
  
"We have to get back to Sunnydale Ahn, now." He stalked back towards the car.  
  
"Well good luck," Anya called back to the shell-shocked boys. "Don't get killed. Motels charge extra if blood is shed during the stay."  
  
*** 


	3. Chapter Three

***  
  
Chapter Three  
  
"I think we did it," Willow whispered. "I will keep the spell going if you go and call Xander."  
  
Tara nodded and jumped up. "Good luck Will."  
  
A minute later she left the shop with Willow's cell phone in her hand. After calling Xander and telling him to hurry up, the brunette made her way down the sidewalk, her breath puffed out steam in the freezing cold air. Tara wrapped her arms tightly around her waist as she choked a sob back in her throat. Her mind was spinning, not comprehending all that had happened. She angrily wiped away the tears that were pouring down her pale cheeks; they weren't going to help anyone.  
  
She remembered back to when her Mom died and the pain she had felt. It was always different with every person that was lost and Dawn was no exception. The young girl who could be so mature when she wanted to be, and a complete brat at other times, but was like a little sister and even a daughter to her.  
  
Her stomach twisted as she thought of Spike, but the Witch made herself drag her thoughts away from that particular aspect. She would really break down if she let herself.  
  
Her eyes made out a dark figure lying in the middle of the road, with a motorbike nearby. Guessing it was Buffy she turned her quick footsteps into a jog.  
  
"Buffy?" she murmured, not really wanting to wake the Slayer. Sprawled in the middle of the road, Buffy looked younger than her years and very vulnerable. Slipping off her jacket Tara spread it over the thin woman. Her mind started drifting as she waited. "You want her, Mr. Maclay? You can go ahead and take her," Buffy announced.  
  
Tara remembered the pang of pain that went through her at those words; she would never fit in here. These were Willow's friends, not hers. "You just gotta go through me." It took a second for the words to sink in, amazement began to seep through her every pore. "What?" her father snapped. "You heard me," Buffy said, a threat in her eyes, in her demeanour and in her stance. "You wanna take Tara out of here against her will? You gotta come through me." Relief and happiness were her only feelings in that second. She smiled as Dawn added her piece, then Giles and Xander. "This is insane," her father continued. "You people have no right to interfere with Tara's affairs. We are her blood kin! Who the hell are you?"  
  
"We're family," Buffy said firmly. Family. The word echoed through her mind. These people were her true family, not her father who abused her throughout her childhood, or her brother who would find any excuse to beat her when she was young.  
  
And now they were being ripped apart at the seams. She bent down next to the fallen Slayer and brushed a strand of hair out of her face.  
  
To be perfectly honest, when Buffy had confided in her about Spike, she had been happy in a way. Willow and Xander had been around her for years, but she had chosen Tara, the newest member of the group, to talk to, to hear her sobs and to comfort her; Tara's heart had broken for Buffy's incredible self-loathing and pain.  
  
She heard a car turning to come down the street and stood upright, waving to get his attention. The silver car pulled up and Xander jumped out, leaving Anya waiting.  
  
"Willow did this?" he enquired, bending down next to Buffy. He looked shocked at her radical change in appearance.  
  
"Yes, we did a spell but Willow is keeping it going while we brought her to the Magic Box. Then." She trailed off, not really knowing what was going to happen afterwards.  
  
Xander scooped the light Slayer up easily in his arms and took her to the car. He put her gently down on the back seat and Tara clambered in beside her.  
  
"Wow," Anya commented, "She looks kinda scary."  
  
***  
  
"Do you think they are tight enough?" Anya asked, tugging on the ropes holding Buffy to the same chair she had put Willow in. "I think chains would work, you know."  
  
"Will, how long can you keep that spell going?" Xander asked her.  
  
"As long as need be," she replied.  
  
"I can take over if she gets tired," Tara put in.  
  
"Okay, good. So, research time?" Xander sighed, pulling the books from the shelf.  
  
"Giles took all the good ones," Anya said irritably. "We won't find anything in these. Unless you want to make bunnies." A pause. "But why would you?"  
  
Ignoring his ex-fiancée, he pulled a book out from the pile and sat down. Tara joined him and soon Anya reluctantly gave in. An hour later Tara swapped with Willow and the red haired Witch hit the internet.  
  
"Anyone want a drink?" Xander offered. They all nodded and he disappeared out the back to make them.  
  
"These books are useless, this guy says, 'To keep flowers blooming for the longest time possible, add a few drops of water every day, rather than lots of water when it is dry.' This is in a book on demons for heaven's sake," Anya complained.  
  
"Are you sure?" Willow asked. "Giles had a few gardening books lying around."  
  
Anya swore and threw it across the table. "I just read three chapters of that damn thing."  
  
Willow rolled her eyes and swapped her book for a slightly thinner one.  
  
Xander made his way back to the table and handed one of the drinks to Anya. Looking up, he suddenly yelped and dropped the two other drinks in his hand; they smashed, spreading hot liquid across the floor.  
  
"What is your deal?" Anya asked, taking a sip of her own.  
  
"Where the hell is Buffy?" he asked slowly. The two girls looked over to the seat and saw she had gone, and jumped up. The ropes were lying on the ground and Tara was stretched out unconscious where she had been sitting.  
  
"Buffy must have broken through the spell," Willow said in a panic, kneeling next to her girlfriend to wake her. "It was the strongest of its type. Oh god."  
  
Just then the door banged open, making them all jump and reach for weapons, fearing it was Buffy, but they all breathed a sigh of relief when they saw the dark vampire standing there.  
  
"Angel, thank goodness," Willow breathed. She turned her attention back to Tara as she began to stir.  
  
"Where is she?" Angel asked without a greeting.  
  
"Well she was tied up to the chair, under a spell," Anya explained. "But we didn't use chains like I suggested and somehow she has gotten away. So now, she is probably off murdering more people."  
  
Angel visibly flinched at that. "I was too late," he murmured.  
  
"Warren deserved to die," Xander said firmly.  
  
Angel's tortured brown eyes met Xander's. "We have to stop her before she does more damage. She would never forgive herself."  
  
"I know," Xander said simply.  
  
After a further discussion, it was decided Xander and Angel would go and look for her, and once again try and bring her back to the shop, while Tara, Willow and Anya would further research into ways to bring someone's humanity back.  
  
"What the hell is that?" Xander asked, as they hurried through the streets looking for Buffy. He nodded towards a dark figure lying in the middle of the path.  
  
Angel went over and peered at it. "A Corega demon. Looks like it's been.ripped apart."  
  
Xander nodded, gagging slightly and moved swiftly on. "She must have come this way."  
  
They walked along silently again, Angel trying to catch her scent in the air.  
  
"Hey boys," her familiar voice greeted. "Looking for me?"  
  
They whirled round to see her standing right behind them. She had a large sword in her hand, hanging by her side. Angel could have kicked himself for not realising; he should have felt where she was. He restrained himself from gasping at her, his heart constricting at his ex-girlfriend. The light, goldenness he had always adored about Buffy had gone, and in its place was a woman that resembled Drusilla.  
  
"Buffy, why don't you put that down? Not very friendly." Xander said nervously.  
  
She raised a delicate eyebrow at him. "Wasn't really going for friendly, exactly." she replied. Buffy pulled what looked like a round, glass object out of her pocket and threw it at Angel. It shattered at his feet and grey smoke began to pour out of it towards him. It wafted through the air, up towards Angel. He tried to push it away, but it started to gather in a line.  
  
"Buffy." Angel started and then stopped, as it shot forward into his eyes. Pains started to shoot through him, into his very core. "Buffy!" He suddenly screamed, dropping to his knees, his face contorting in agony. The pain came in waves, hitting him so much he didn't think he could take it any longer.  
  
Xander looked at him in shock. "What's going on?" He spun back towards Buffy to stop whatever she was doing with him, but within a second she had jumped forward and impaled the sword though his gut, tearing through his flesh with a sickening noise.  
  
"That's what I had to do to Angel," she whispered, "And you didn't care."  
  
He met her eyes in disbelief and betrayal, his face contorting in suffering, before he too, fell to the ground. He felt the spread of blood begin to cover him and with his last remaining strength, he groaned, before merciful darkness came.  
  
"Angel?" Buffy asked quietly.  
  
He looked up at her, his eyes cold, empty.soulless.  
  
"Hello, Lover."  
  
*** 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four  
  
A wide smile settled across Buffy's lips as she saw the results of her spell.  
  
"Glad you could join me," she answered, dropping the sword that was stained with dark blood.  
  
Angelus looked up at the petite, dark haired Slayer standing before him. The light was gone from her eyes, blood covered the tight black top she wore and she looked…  
  
Beautiful.  
  
Standing up slowly, he kept his eyes on her, raking over her supple figure.  
  
"What was that?" he asked.  
  
"I knew you would come to me…" she said. "It's amazing what you can do with simple ingredients and a few words."  
  
Nodding, the demon smirked, "Knew you had it in you, Buff."  
  
"Wasn't exactly in me…just had to know the right people." Buffy took a breath as she figured out her plans. "Right, so they think you are still Angel. If you go back you can find out where they have taken Andrew and Jonathon and let me know. I tried to do a location spell but they have some kind of shield around them."  
  
"What makes you think I am going to follow your orders…when I can think of much more interesting things to do?" Angelus said, looking at her suggestively.  
  
"There is no time for messing around," Buffy replied, as he pulled her through a gateway into the nearby cemetery.   
  
He stopped, stepped towards her and ran his finger down her cheek. "Come on, you know you want to." Pulling her nearer, he met her lips forcefully; she gave in and responded, their tongues battling for dominance. Angelus slid his arms around her waist and ran his large hands up her back and then, before she could do anything, he dropped his weight on her so that they fell backwards onto the grass. Never once stopping, he carried on and ripped the shirt off of her. He grinned as the blood of a few different people tantalised his senses, not to mention Xander lying only a few feet away from them.  
  
He paused, his eyes flicking over her already bruised body. He growled deep in his throat. Ignoring him, she took the chance to pull at his shirt, the buttons popping and flying off. She smoothed her palms over his defined chest, before raking her nails across it, ruining the pale smoothness with dark red lines.   
  
He moaned and in one swift motion yanked her pants down, without breaking away from her hot inferno of a mouth. Doing the same to him, Buffy groaned as he plunged into her without thought.  
  
"Angelus," she sighed.  
  
He pulled out of her and smoothed out her hair in a tender way. Confused, but not wanting to spoil the moment she pulled him back towards her and held him tightly against her.   
  
"Fuck me," Buffy demanded.  
  
Angelus began to move much faster, their hips hitting each other's violently as they built up a rhythm. Buffy groaned loudly as she climaxed and seconds later Angelus followed suit.  
  
"My dark Goddess, I knew you would be exquisite without a soul," he murmured as they lay in the night.  
  
Buffy ignored him, pushing him off her and pulling her torn shirt on as best she could. She stood up and slipped her pants back on over the slim hips.  
  
He soon followed suit, quickly pulling his clothes back on.  
  
"Can you do what I asked before?" Buffy inquired. "Pretend to be Angel and find out where they were taken?" She glanced over at her once best friend lying in a pool of blood. "Or we could just torture him?"  
  
"His pulse is still beating," Angelus agreed, "albeit slowly."  
  
"I'm sure we will find some way to wake him," Buffy grinned.  
  
Lilah hurried along the corridor back to her office. A last minute meeting had been called and she hadn't been able to get out of it. She had no choice but to leave Drusilla alone with her guard.  
  
She heard a moan and began to jog; opening the door she stopped dead at what she saw.  
  
The guard lay on the desk naked, with Drusilla on top of him. She turned to look at Lilah as she walked in, blood dropping down her face.  
  
"Dru! Get off him," Lilah growled, watching as she slid off him, the body falling to the floor with a thud.  
  
"I got all excited." The insane vampire smiled, "Daddy came back,"  
  
"Daddy? Angelus?" Lilah asked, a feeling of dread creeping up her spine. This wasn't supposed to happen…the Slayer going evil was supposed to make him lose hope, not become Angelus.  
  
"Xan-der." Buffy sing-songed.  
  
His eyes snapped open as he took in the scene in front of him. He was in the mansion, chained to the wall. A vast array of sharp and blunt weapons were spread in front of him, and Buffy was sitting cross-legged on the floor holding a glinting knife in her hand. He looked down at his stomach, a white bandage tightly binding it.  
  
"What's going on?" Xander asked, knowing it was a stupid question as he said it.  
  
"Now then Xand, you know something that I want to know and just how am I going to find it out?" Buffy said, running the blunt side of the blade across her palm. He eyed it nervously.  
  
"You know I can't tell you. If I do, and you kill them…you will never forgive yourself when you are our Buffy again," Xander said.  
  
"Don't you get it Xander?" Buffy explained, "I will never be her again. In so much pain I could barely breathe, while my friends didn't give a shit. Why would I want to go back to that?"  
  
"Because we need you," he whispered brokenly.  
  
"You need me," she groused. "That's how it always is. You don't trust me to make my own decisions; even dying you took away from me. You only trust me when you need me." As she spoke, she slowly ran the blade down his arm, marvelling at the way the blood seeped through and trickled down after the cold metal.   
  
"We can make this quick, or we can make this last a long time, and I have awhile to spare."  
  
Xander whimpered and pushed himself as far against the wall as he could. "You just wanna know where they are?"  
  
"That's all." Buffy nodded, slowly putting the instrument back on the floor.  
  
"They have both gone to…" Xander started. Buffy smiled, waiting eagerly. "Timbuktu."  
  
Her fist swung round and struck him, with a loud crunch. "Don't play the hero now Xander," she warned, spitting the words out angrily. "I will kill you and every person you care for until you tell me where they are. I will start with Anya, Willow, Giles and cause them the most amount of pain I possible can."  
  
He choked back a sob and squeezed his eyes tight as he whispered quietly, "They are in a motel, halfway between here and LA."  
  
"Angel!" she called, believing his words. "Come on."  
  
Hurrying towards the door, she grabbed one of his leather coats left over from when he left three years ago and slid it on.  
  
Angelus joined her as they strode out the door and started the walk towards his car, which was parked near the Magic Box.  
  
"He was too easy," Buffy complained, with a pout. "Only had to threaten the Scoobys and he told me."  
  
"You should have killed him," he growled, still mad he had lost the fight with her to snap the boy's neck.  
  
"We might need him later. I will not keep going over this with you."  
  
They split up when they reached the car, Buffy taking the car to drive to the motel, Angelus to go and keep the others at bay.  
  
He got to the doorway of the Magic Box and pulled it open.  
  
"Where's Xander?" Anya immediately asked.  
  
"He went to look for Buffy at her house," he lied quickly, fighting the strong urge to wrap his hand around the blonde's small neck and squeeze it hard, until her lifeless body dropped to the floor. He forced his eyes away from her to look around. Glancing at Willow, he was taken aback to find her sitting against the wall with an Orb of Thesulah in front of her. Her eyes were black and she was whispering foreign words fast.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" he yelled in a panic. He couldn't be banished again so quickly, not when he was free once again.  
  
"Cordelia had a vision and rang us," Anya said, holding a large cross she had hid behind her back, out at him.  
  
"I'll kill the little bitch!" he screamed as the familiar pain washed over him. "Damn," he muttered.  
  
"The stars stopped whispering to me," Drusilla pouted. "Daddy didn't want to play."  
  
"He is Angel again?" Lilah asked hopefully.  
  
Drusilla ignored her as she walked over to the window. "When are you going to let me out to play?"  
  
"You know you can't leave this room. That's the only reason you can be here." Lilah explained patiently for the sixth time. "And at the end, your Daddy will be back permanently," she lied.  
  
Drusilla suddenly laughed loudly, "Slayer's gonna be bad."   



	5. Chapter Five

  
  
Chapter Five  
  
"Licence to Kill is so the best," Andrew whined, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Jonathan.  
  
"No way!" Jonathan protested, as he flicked through the movie guide book, "The Spy Who Loved me is way better. And I'm paying,"  
  
"You offered to pay for a movie we both wanted to see, and I want to see Living Daylights. Timothy Dalton is so much better than Roger Moore."  
  
"You live in a dream world," Jonathan snapped and then he paused, thinking. "You wanna just rent porn?"   
  
"Sure," Andrew agreed, without a pause.  
  
The door suddenly burst open causing Andrew to jump, wobble and lose his balance and topple off the bed.  
  
"B…Buffy," Jonathan stammered.   
  
Buffy stood in the doorway staring at Jonathan, who was frozen in fear, with cold unblinking eyes. She slowly brought her hand around from her back revealing a hefty looking axe.  
  
Andrew, who remained sprawled on the floor, began to shift his weight slowly under the double bed, not even daring to breathe. Squeezing his eyes shut he prayed for a miracle.   
  
Taking a step forward, Buffy raised the axe above her head.   
  
"Please don't kill me," Jonathan whispered, a split second before the axe was swung back down with a faint swishing sound and lodged deep within his midriff. He made a choking sound as he fell back onto the bed with a thud. Buffy yanked it back out and paused.  
  
Jonathan whimpered, agony so great he couldn't even scream. Buffy narrowed her eyes and brought the axe back down, this time across his throat. She didn't put enough strength behind it to cut all the way through and it remained embedded in his neck in a grotesque way. His now unseeing eyes glazed over and his life left him.  
  
Tears began to leak out of the sides of Andrew's eyes as he realised that he too, was about to die. Blood was dripping down the side of the bed, some catching Andrew's arm, but he didn't dare move it.   
  
"Buffy," a deep male voice cried out from the door way. He saw Buffy's feet whirl around and then flinched when a loud gun shot rang out.  
  
"Bastard," Buffy growled, before she crumpled to the floor.   
  
Andrew watched as the black pair of shoes walked over to Buffy and the man crouched down and scooped Buffy up. Andrew realised there was no blood under Buffy where had been, which he thought was weird. Jonathan's was still dripping from the bed.  
  
The man turned around and walked out, pushing the door shut behind him. There was complete silence.  
  
Andrew kept still for a long time, crying to himself, not really sure what to do. After a long time had passed, he figured he should get out of there as they probably weren't going to come back. He crawled out from his hiding place and keeping his back to the wall he made deliberate side-steps along the wall until he reached the door. Grabbing hold of the handle he turned it.  
  
"Goodbye," he whispered awkwardly before he opened it and ran out into the cold night air as fast as he could. Not having any idea where he was going exactly he kept running while sobbing loudly, because now, he was completely and utterly alone.  
  
He knew as he shot her with the sleeping drug that it wouldn't last long, but Angel was hoping for an hour at best. Of course, as his luck went, it lasted ten minutes.   
  
He found this out when Buffy's fist smashed into his face making him lose control of his car, careen across the road and smack into a large oak tree. He fell forward and hit his nose on the steering wheel. Angel winced when he heard an audible crack and blood began pouring out of it. Groaning he yanked his seat belt off and looked across at Buffy who was already half way out smashed window.   
  
Angel quickly opened the car door and leapt over the roof towards her. He couldn't let her get away now, not when he was so damn close. Buffy wasn't running, merely walking fast, as if he had no hope of stopping her. Just as Angel reached her, she span around and took him by surprise by punching him in the stomach. Groaning in pain, he shook it off as he raised his arm and put all his strength into thumping her in the face. Buffy flew to the ground and swiftly brought her leg to the nearest place she could. He fell down next to her, clutching himself between the legs and stifling a sob of pain.  
  
"You took him away from me…" Buffy snarled, "Like everyone leaves." Angel ignored her, swallowing the emotions that were threatening to erupt any moment.  
  
"Let me help you," Angel cried desperately.  
  
"Are you fucking delusional?" Buffy said with a giggle, "Look at me! I'm free. I'm not hurting so much I want to take a knife and rip my veins open. Can't you let me be alive for the first time Angel?"  
  
"But I love you," he murmured, holding her on the ground still.  
  
She let out a shill laugh. "I spent the year banging Spike," Buffy looked up into his pained eyes and chose her next words in a flash, the ones that would hurt him deeply. "I love Spike. It wasn't you there when I jumped off the tower to my death…it was him."   
  
"And he loves you so much that he raped you?" he replied quietly. Even in her current state, she flinched at his words. Angel immediately regretted his words and reached forward to gently brush away a stray lock of hair.   
  
"I will get you back if it's the last thing I do," Angel vowed.  
  
He had been expecting Buffy to come after him. Maybe even one of her pals, Xander or Willow. Or even Dawn may have made some kind of weak attempt.   
  
Angel would probably know by now. They always knew when something was deeply wrong with each other. And so he half expected his Grand-Sire to come strolling in with a murderous expression on his face.  
  
But when she came…he had to say he was bloody shocked. Just waltzed in, her eyes black pools, her whole being screamed power.  
  
"My father was just like you," she had said quietly, "What he couldn't have…he took anyway. Just like you did to Buffy."  
  
The young woman had then calmly sat on a large wooden box and started to whisper words that meant nothing to him, but were centuries old. She never stopped, sometimes her so voice quiet he could barely hear her, the next second she would be screaming out her words, at the injustice of the world. There was no way he could escape as he was held down by magick and tormented violently by an unseen force.  
  
He thought back to only a few hours earlier when he had tried to get a ship to somewhere…anywhere, but it happened to be a Sunday, and no ships sailed on Sundays. So instead, he had hid himself in the darkest and biggest warehouse he could find in the docks, sat behind a crate and lit and cigarette. The biggest mistake of his life.  
  
And now Spike wished, with all his un-beating heart, as he lay in his own pool of blood, that he hadn't been so stupid as to stay in Sunnydale. He screamed as the pain hit again, never in the same spot. Always a different type of pain, inside, outside, sharp pain, throbbing…the list was endless.   
  
The bleached vampire realised he would pay for every one of his sins this inky black night. He would pay for every one of them.  
  
And from her seated, comfortable position, Tara smiled.  
  
Buffy suddenly jumped up, surprising Angel. He quickly followed suit and they stood off facing each other.  
  
She glared at him, hatred and condemnation written in her eyes. "You were right Angel, it IS easier. No pain, no guilt…and I'll kill you before I let you stuff that fucking soul back inside me."  
  
She reached back to strike him and abruptly stopped. Angel's dead heart broke as he watched her ashen face crumple, terror crossing her delicate features as her eyes bled from obsidian to green.  
  
"Angel, help me," Buffy whispered desperately, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.   
  
Angel dropped his stance, reaching to touch her glowing, alabaster skin.  
  
"Buffy…is that you?" he cried, desperate to have her back, hoping it wasn't some kind of mind game.  
  
Buffy shook her head and her eyes turned to black ice. Surprise crossed her face before her mouth twisted into an angry snarl.   
  
"Unleash!" she yelled. He felt the gentle changes in the air as soon as it started and realised something was about to happen.  
  
"Better run home…" Buffy informed him. "Trouble's a' brewing,"  
  
Angel looked into her eyes, before spinning round and running as fast as he possibly could in the direction of The Magic Box. He had no idea what he would find there, but he prayed to whomever might be listening to spare her friend's lives.  
  
He heard a loud, piercing scream as he reached the shop and put extra effort into sprinting the last few metres and bursting through the door.  
  
Angel didn't stop to pause at the variety of demons that were attacking from all areas, but snatched a sword out of the air that Willow threw in his direction. She stood at the side of the room and mumbled spells, occasionally thrusting the large axe she had in her hand out at a demon that got to near. Anya had morphed into her demon face and was well into the battle, screaming curses at them.  
  
Four of the vampires Angel was fighting suddenly burst into dust as a ball of blue flames hit them, sent from Willow.  
  
He jumped over the table and snapped the leg off one of the chairs, thrusting out; he hit another vampire's heart dead centre and span around to slice a zombie's head off.  
  
The dark vampire groaned as another five demons materialised from the wall and snarled. "I don't think they are going to stop until Buffy makes them," he yelled.  
  
Closing her eyes, Buffy took a deep breath filling up every part of her lungs. Slowly, she exhaled and at the same time she poured a blue liquid around her from a small bottle she had picked up.  
  
"I call to thee Obeliss," she called, her voice firm.  
  
The ground in front of her began to shake, and a crack appeared in on the stone floor, in front of where Buffy sat. The skies had clouded over a few hours ago, almost in anticipation and with a crack of lightning, the heavens opened and it began to pour down with rain. The crack grew longer and longer before finally coming to stop by something that looked as though it used to be a locker.   
  
"Rise!" Buffy called. "Rise up from the Hellmouth. Cause destruction and havoc with every step you take."  
  
The crack began to widen and the ground split in two. Buffy could hear the screams of people near by as Sunnydale began to tremble and the howls from demons from below. She wasn't going to let them all out, not yet anyway.   
  
The shaking suddenly stopped and Obeliss stepped out, as he stretched out to his height, he hit the ceiling and bits of rubble crashed to the ground, but nothing fell within the blue circle surrounding Buffy. He was huge, standing at around fifteen foot. His deep red eyes shone out in the dark night and he growling, a deep rumbling sound that shook the building.  
  
"Kill them. Kill them all," Buffy shouted up to him. Obeliss nodded and took his first step onto a house. It crumpled like a doll's house.  
  
Buffy stared up at the hole in the ceiling where he had just stood and then looked around the school she had spent three years of her life. The doorway to the library was within view, the doors hanging off the hinges.   
  
Within an hour, Sunnydale would be destroyed and everyone in it dead and Obeliss would on its way to another town to do the same.   
  
A clawing feeling started in the pit of her stomach, like someone was trying to break through. She sucked in her breath quickly and gritted her teeth.  
  
'What the hell?" she thought to herself as she tried to shake it off. It got sharper and frowned, and then it hit her.  
  
"No!" Buffy screamed, falling forward onto her knees, shaking.   
  
Her eyes flashed to green. "Give me my body back," she shrieked.

Please give me some feedback 


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six  
  
"What's going on?" Lilah shouted to Drusilla who was still licking blood from her fingers after killing the guard. Lilah was staring at the crystal that was shuddering and glowing.  
  
"Uh oh," Drusilla said, "The stars have started dancing."  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Lilah snapped, grabbing for the crystal just as it exploded into dust. She stared at it in shock. "She's free? It didn't work?"  
  
"Princess' soul is too strong to be confined." Drusilla sighed, then she turned to Lilah, her eyes strangely lucid. "Where's Daddy?"   
  
Buffy gasped, her chest heaving. Rain poured down on to her, almost washing the black out of her hair. The wind whipped around her. Memories of the past few days flashing before her eyes and her breathing became ragged as she remembered what she had done.  
  
She looked down at her trembling hands that were stained with blood. Other people's blood, and more people were about to be murdered by her doing. Buffy put her face in her hands as she tried to gather her thoughts together.  
  
"Obeliss, I command thee to stop!" she screamed out into the night. The shuddering footsteps froze and then she heard them getting louder again as he came back to the school.  
  
"You free me from years of being trapped underground, and you think I am just going to stop when you say so?" he mocked.  
  
Buffy dragged herself up onto legs that felt like jelly and straightened herself to her full height. She didn't even come up to his knee.  
  
"Get the fuck out of my face," The Slayer spat. She kicked her foot forward and made a gap in the blue circle. Immediately the demon started being dragged towards the split earth by invisible bonds. He shouted out, fighting as hard as he could before falling through it with a loud bang. Just as it had split open, it sealed itself back together like a zip.   
  
Turning towards the exit, she knew she had to go home. No running away now, no curling up somewhere and dying like she wanted to. Suddenly a picture of Willow and Anya fighting off demons crossed her mind, and oh god Xander… She set off at a sprint towards the mansion.  
  
Xander had not yet lost consciousness when she got there; he sat chained to the wall, his eyes glazed over.  
  
"Xander?" she whispered.  
  
He flinched when he saw her and turned his head as if he couldn't bear to look at her. She ran to him and knelt in front of him, pulling on the chains to release him, they snapped and he fell forward.  
  
"W…we need to stop the blood," Buffy stammered, pulling her own top off to hold against his stab wound.  
  
"You stabbed me," he stated.   
  
"I'm so sorry," she replied, putting her shaking hand onto the deep gash. He suddenly looked up again, as if realising something for the first time.  
  
"You're eyes. They aren't black," Xander said, his eyes filling with tears, "You're Buffy again."  
  
"We gotta get you to hospital," she said, helping him to stand up, "And I have to get to Willow and Anya, I sent demons after them."   
  
"Go," he commanded, "I'll find a phone and call 911."  
  
"Vampires will smell your blood if you are wandering the streets like that, I'm not leaving you," she said shaking her head.  
  
"Can you not zap us there then or something?" Xander queried.  
  
Buffy thought for a moment before she said, "Okay. Close your eyes." A sharp pang went through her at those words, but she ignored it, as she always did. Xander did as he was told and he suddenly felt like he had just downed five shots in a row, a wave of nausea passed over him before he opened them again to find himself outside Sunnydale hospital.  
  
"You go on now," he said to Buffy, "Help the others." She nodded and ran off as fast as she could. He walked through the door into the busy Accident and Emergency ward, waved to a nurse before collapsing to the ground. He heard someone calling for a doctor before losing consciousness.   
  
Angel was getting very tired, every time he thought he was on top of killing one, another group would appear. Willow had slumped to the ground some time ago, exhausted through using too much magick, and Anya stood in front of her, fighting any that came near.  
  
The door suddenly burst open and Angel could have cried to see Buffy standing there. He was beaten to a bloody pulp and on verge of collapse, now he had to fight her. He was very shocked as she picked up a stake and dusted three vampires that just came out of the wall.  
  
"Stop!" she ordered. The demons all turned and walked back into the wall, disappearing as soon as they hit it.  
  
Willow pulled herself up from the ground and Anya turned to look at her.  
  
"Buffy?" Willow said hopefully.  
  
"What did I do?" Buffy murmured, before looking up at Angel. He took a sharp intake of un-needed breath when he saw her large, haunted eyes. God…it was Buffy. She looked like she wanted to cry but instead seemed to shake it off. "There is going to be tons of clearing up around Sunnydale High…I did a hell of a lot of damage over there. I'm going to go help out." Before anyone could say anything she had gone, leaving them staring after her.  
  
"Have you seen a woman, about this tall?" Angel asked a policeman, holding his hand out to show her height. "Blonde hair. She said she was coming to help out." Press swarmed about the scene, trying to find out how so many houses had collapsed and coming up with new colourful stories to what the giant so many people had seen really was.  
  
"I know her…she has been helping all night free people from the wreckage. Saved a good few lives…a real hero," The policeman said with a smile. He was covered in dirt, a coffee in his hand, probably been working all night.  
  
"Do you know where she is now?" Angel asked.  
  
"I haven't seen her for a few hours. They are moving the crew to the next street, try there," he suggested.   
  
Angel nodded his thanks and hurried down the street, checking his watch; he didn't have much longer until the sun rose. After Buffy had left they had gone to the mansion to find Xander. Finding him gone, but the chains broken, they guessed Buffy had gone to him first and taken him to hospital. They were proved right when they found him in intensive care having blood transfused into him. Anya had burst into tears and had to be taken away to calm down by doctors and a very exhausted Willow seemed to be in deep shock and was finally admitted to be kept in for observation. Angel had then gone looking for Buffy.   
  
He finally spotted her, standing on a huge pile of bricks that was not long ago a house. She was only wearing a small spaghetti top after giving Xander her top and was shivering madly. She was covered head to toe in dust and seemed to be bleeding in a few places from getting hurt. She was trying to pull a door up, where Angel could clearly hear someone shouting from under it. He jogged over and began to help her to pull a large lamp post off of it.  
  
"Thanks," she mumbled. She dragged the door off and peered down to see a young woman huddled under it.  
  
Buffy stood up, "Need some medical assistance over here," she called.  
  
"It came out of nowhere," the woman said, on verge of hysteria as two paramedics came running over.  
  
"Thanks, we got her," one said to Buffy, as they worked to get her out safely.  
  
Angel grabbed Buffy's bloody hand and pulled her away from the people. "Lets get you home, you must be about to collapse." He slid off his coat and wrapped it around her.  
  
She tried to shrug it off. "There are still people trapped."  
  
"And there are tons of people here to help them, and once it's morning I'm sure even more people will come when they hear about it," Angel said.  
  
Buffy took a step towards him before her knees gave way and she fell into him. He caught her and he swept her up into his arms and started the journey home.  
  
"Hey Willow," Tara said softly, slipping her hand into her pale girlfriend's who was lying in a hospital bed.  
  
Willow smiled, "Where did you get to?"  
  
"I had something to take care of," Tara replied.  
  
Willow nodded. "Have you seen Buffy?"  
  
"I went home, she collapsed in exhaustion and Angel put her in our bed. He also called the coroner to…get Dawn. The police have been round and we cleared everything up."  
  
"And Xander?"   
  
"He's recovering nicely; they said they will want to keep him in for another week or so. But you are being released any moment now, as soon as the doctor sees you. There are lots of people coming in and they need the bed," Tara explained.  
  
Willow breathed a sigh of relief, a lot of Tara's words calming her fears.  
  
"What's going to happen to Buffy?" Willow enquired quietly.  
  
"Giles is returning from England. He called while I was at the house; he has been trying to get to America for the last few days but there have been no flights."  
  
"He knows what happened?"   
  
"Apparently they felt it…." Tara said, but was interrupted by a knock at the door and a doctor coming in. "I'll go and find Anya, okay?"   
  
"Buffy? Are you awake?" Angel asked, as he entered Tara and Willow's room with a tray.   
  
"Mmm," Buffy grunted, "What time is it?"  
  
"It's two pm." Angel said, putting the tray down next to her. She looked at the slices of toast, bacon and eggs and glass of orange juice, before her stomach turned.  
  
"I'm not hungry, thanks anyway."  
  
Angel sat down next to her and took her slight hand in his large one. She stared down at it, her green eyes filling with tears.  
  
"It's okay to let it out Buffy," he said softly.  
  
She looked up at him, "I killed all those people Angel. Innocent people, who didn't deserve it. I tortured Xander and I tried to hurt everyone I love."   
  
"I didn't exactly stop you from hurting Xander either," Angel said remorsefully.  
  
"That was different!" Buffy exclaimed, "You weren't you." Angel raised an eyebrow at her and gave her a look.  
  
"That's different," she muttered. Suddenly she froze, "Oh god…oh god…Dawnie." Her face contorted in pain.  
  
"I'm so sorry Buffy," Angel said, a tear slipping from his eye as she lay her head down on his lap and began to sob.  
  
"It hurts so much."   
  
Giles cursed the aeroplanes for the hundredth time in so many days as he drove through Sunnydale. If only he could have got here sooner, he might have been able…been able to do something instead of sitting at Heathrow airport doing bloody nothing.  
  
He pulled up at Revello Drive, outside Buffy's house. The curtains were all closed, he assumed by Angel. Giles got out the car and got his suitcase from the trunk.   
  
In all his years he was trained as a Watcher…he had never taken the 101 on 'How to deal if your Slayer goes insane.' Of course...it wasn't her fault, but she still had the memories, the thoughts. He sighed and knocked sharply on the door.   
  
"Hello Angel," he greeted the dark haired vampire, who stood a little way back from the door to avoid the sunlight.   
  
"She's asleep. I gave her some Sominex which knocked her out," Angel said, taking Giles' suitcase from him.  
  
"Giles!" came an excited squeal from behind him and he turned to be ambushed by Willow who flung herself at him. "I'm so glad you are here,"  
  
"I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner."   
  
Giles put the phone down on the hook and turned to look at the anticipating faces.  
  
"The Council will pull a few strings and get Faith out of jail. If things go as planned, she will be here in a week or so. As all the demons have fled Sunnydale currently, I think Buffy is safe to leave for Los Angeles tomorrow, don't you?"  
  
Angel nodded. "Great, I'll go and tell her,"   
  
"So, she is just going to leave?" Xander said, leaning forward onto his hands, wincing as it pulled at his stitches.  
  
"What happened to her was against her will. We are looking into who did it, as much as we can. She was as much a victim in all this as…"  
  
"The people I killed?" Buffy finished from the doorway.  
  
"Yes," Giles said firmly. He walked over to her and put his arms around her small body. "You let Angel take care of you in LA and we will see you next week for Dawn's funeral."  
  
Buffy gave him a wry smile. "Are you sure you have everything under control? I mean…what if Faith doesn't get out or what if…"   
  
"Buffy," Angel's voice broke in, "We have been over this. It's all taken care of. Now have you got all your stuff you want to take?"  
  
"Yes," she replied, walking back to the front door.  
  
Willow, Xander stood up awkwardly, not knowing what to do.  
  
"Are you going now?" Tara asked, coming in from the kitchen. "You take care of yourself." She smiled, giving her a warm hug.  
  
"Thanks Tara," Buffy said, grabbing hold of Angel's hand as he opened the front door.  
  
"Bye," Buffy said uncomfortably to Willow and Xander, as Angel led her out to the car. They got in the car and waved to the group in the doorway.   
  
"Can I drive?" she asked Angel.  
  
"Not a chance,"  
  
End 


	7. Epilogue

  
  
Epilogue  
  
Wolfram and Hart were still searching for a replacement for Lilah when Angel figured out exactly who was behind everything. He cursed himself for not figuring it out sooner and that he wasn't the one able to rip her throat out, just as Drusilla had done.  
  
Drusilla herself had once again disappeared and as long as she didn't show up in Los Angeles or Sunnydale again, her un-life was safe.   
  
They finally tracked a bruised and broken Spike down to a small crypt in a town a few miles from Sunnydale. He had dragged himself there and collapsed, unable to feed therefore unable to heal. Unsure of who had exactly caused him the pain in the first place, Angel had silently thanked them and set about inflicting his own kind of pain before dragging him outside and chaining him to the wall ready to meet the sunrise.   
  
They had a small evening funeral for Dawn, covering her grave and surrounding area with brightly coloured flowers.  
  
Angel had stood and held Buffy's hand throughout the whole ceremony and they had returned to Los Angeles that evening.   
  
Buffy lay sprawled across her bed with a book in her hand. The curtains were wide open and sunlight lit the whole room up and warmed her skin.  
  
The phone suddenly rang, making her jump and she rolled over and picked it up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello Buffy," Giles' voice greeted, "How are things?"  
  
"Fine, we do Tai Chi a lot and yoga. Keeps things sane, ya know." She paused. "Angel has this friend who I think is half demon, but anyway…he has been teaching me all this stuff, like to be at peace with yourself. I told Angel he should do it as well, but I think he thinks Yoga is too girly." Giles smiled at her rambling, maybe things would turn out okay.  
  
"And have you been seeing that counsellor I suggested?" he enquired gently.   
  
"I've been a couple of times," she finally said after a pause.  
  
"Miss Betts is well acquainted with all things supernatural, you really can tell her anything," Giles reminded her.  
  
"Yeah, I know," she sighed, "She keeps asking questions though, like about my childhood. It's so cliché," Buffy leaned forward on her bed, and touched her toes as she spoke, stretching out her muscles. She was due to meet Angel in the training room in a few minutes, for her first real spar.  
  
"That's her job Buffy," Giles said, with an amused roll of   
  
his eyes.  
  
"Well I am supposed to be going over tomorrow some time. How's things in Sunnydale?" she asked, changing the subject.  
  
Giles frowned. "When was the last time you called them?"  
  
"Oh I rang Will the other day, but she had to go so we didn't speak for long."  
  
The Watcher's heart went out to the sadness in her voice; he would love to just shake them and make them see sense. It wasn't her fault what happened. 'Nor was it Angel's before,' a voice at the back of his mind reminded. Slipping off his glasses he began to rub them vigorously, things were just so complicated.   
  
"I am sure there was a good reason and she will call you in no time at all," Giles said after a pause; he didn't want to lie to her, but some hope was better than no hope he supposed. Maybe he could call Willow and have a word with her.  
  
"Yeah," Buffy murmured. "Well now I have got to go; Angel will be waiting for me.  
  
"Goodbye Buffy," he said, "and be careful."  
  
"Bye Giles," she replied and hung up with a click. She got up off the bed and stretched again, before pulling a sweater on and hurrying out the room. She took the stairs two at a time and made her way into the basement where the training room was.  
  
Angel stood over by his punch bag, his back to Buffy. He was shirtless and had obviously just finished an energetic workout if the small beads of sweat gleaning on his rippling muscles was anything to go by. She swallowed hard. He turned as Buffy scuffed her foot in the doorway and smiled at her.  
  
"Fred said she would like to come and watch us spar, if that's okay?" he asked.  
  
She nodded, although inwardly she didn't want Fred to watch them. It was the first time she had done anything like this in awhile, after having concentrated on calming methods, designed to bring peace, if only for an hour or so. Buffy didn't really want an audience on her first time. Although the blonde had been living at the Hyperion for just over a month now, she had kept herself to herself, not really wanted to socialise and hadn't really got to know Gunn, Fred and Lorne who she saw from time to time, she just made polite small talk before finding some excuse to leave.   
  
Cordelia hadn't changed much; just her catty comments were more carefully disguised and when Angel or one of the others were near by, she suddenly became concerned about how Buffy was feeling. Angel seemed to be really close to her, so she refrained from saying anything back.   
  
Buffy had mixed feelings over Angel being close to her. She was happy for him, really. He had found a family, a place where he belonged, but to Cordelia? The Cordelia Chase who made Sunnydale High an even worse place to be. Although she had been told Cordelia had "changed," she still wasn't quite so sure.  
  
Angel had walked over to a large cupboard and seemed to be debating whether to use a weapon or not. His fingers brushed over an ornate silver sword before he turned to Buffy who had just taken her jumper off revealing a black tank top.   
  
He cleared his throat. "I haven't sparred without weapons for a long time," he explained, "but I don't mind. I have some sparring poles I used with Cordelia around somewhere."  
  
Buffy gave him a sceptical look, "Weapon-less is fine."   
  
The door opened and Fred stepped through. "Don't mind me," she smiled, sitting down on the top step.  
  
It started off slowly at first, Angel threw the first punch, Buffy blocked it, Buffy swung one at him, Angel knocked her back. It got quicker and quicker. Kick, duck, swing, jump, punch, duck over and over. Fred lost them in a blur of motion, they were so quick. One minute they would be at the bottom of the stairs and the next on the other side of the room before the brunette could even blink.  
  
Buffy grabbed hold of the punch bag and swung herself round into Angel. He lost his balance and they went crashing to the floor. She tried to push herself up, breathing harshly but Angel put his hand on her wrist, looking into her sea green eyes. She blushed and jumped up, "I'm really sorry," she mumbled and fled up the stairs leaving Fred confused.  
  
"What just happened?" Fred immediately inquired.  
  
"I don't know," Angel replied, deep in thought.  
  
"Dinner's ready!" Lorne called loudly as he put down the stew he had been cooking…for the last five minutes. So, it was out of a few cans, but who needed to know?  
  
"Mmm, smells good," Cordelia commented, as she walked into the room they used for eating with Angel, Gunn, Groo and Fred following close behind.  
  
"Help yourself my little sugar muffin," he placed a mug of warm blood at Angel's seat and sat down.   
  
"Thanks," Angel said. They all took their seats and began to eat.  
  
"Buffy here?" Gunn asked, with a mouthful of food.  
  
Fred shrugged, "Maybe she isn't hungry," she said, glancing at Angel.  
  
Just then the door opened quietly and Buffy slipped in and took her seat. "Sorry I took so long, I was in the shower." She was dressed in a dark top with black jeans and had clipped the top layer of her hair up. The fair-haired Slayer seemed to have omitted all light colours from her wardrobe and generally stuck to looser fitting clothes unless she was training.   
  
Lorne pushed over a bowl with a kind smile, "Help yourself."   
  
"Thanks."  
  
She listened idly, playing with her food, while they all chatted about subjects ranging from their latest cases, the weather and the latest topics on the news.   
  
"That guy, that wore the red shirt that clashed with his pants, he just stared at my chest throughout the case. It was really getting on my nerves, I mean there we were trying to save his life and that's all he could do!" Cordelia complained.   
  
"Cordy, he was blind," Fred said, trying to hold back a giggle.  
  
Cordelia stared at her for a minute, "I knew that, I was only kidding." She smiled, a huge fake grin. Everyone laughed and the conversation changed. Buffy frowned, how could anyone put up with her? Her thoughts drifted to earlier. Everything had been going fine; it felt like old times where she and Angel would spar for hours in the mansion. Then, she had fallen on him and Buffy was sure she had seen disgust flit through his deep brown eyes.   
  
She had slept with Angelus and demanded that he fucked her. Oh god, what must he think of her?  
  
Buffy noticed that while Angel added things to the conversation, enough to not make anyone suspicious, he wasn't really there. His eyes kept flicking to the door like he was desperate to leave. She knew the feeling.  
  
The meal finally ended and Buffy fled up to the sanctuary that was her room.   
  
"Buffy?" Angel said softly, stepping into her room. She sat on the window ledge, her knees tucked up under her chin, staring up at the stars. She didn't acknowledge his presence, but didn't tell him to go away either.   
  
"Are you okay?" Words, they were never enough. They couldn't take away her pain, fear or loneliness. His mind drifted to Connor and he imagined Buffy sitting where she was now, holding his son tightly with a smile playing on her lips. He blinked and the image was gone.  
  
"I'm hiding living here," Buffy said, "I don't have to face the families of anyone I hurt. I don't have to see Dawn's closed door and I don't have to look at anything that reminds me of Spike. I can close that door, get into bed and pull the cover over my head. But I'm not really living. I have been doing it all year and when it turns around and smacks me in the face, I run away and hide some more."  
  
"You have to heal before you live," Angel reminded her.  
  
"No, I think you have to live to heal," Buffy, smiling wistfully, "although it doesn't seem to work much. They say time heals, but I think all that time does is make it easier to bury it, lock it away in the place inside you that only gets opened you have something else to add to it." Her words weren't bitter, just accepting. "I think I need to go back to Sunnydale, but I don't think Sunnydale wants me."  
  
"Buffy -" Angel started, than stopped. What could he say after all? Words of comfort usually were easy to come by to desperate people that just wanted some kind of hope.   
  
But Buffy wasn't just anyone.   
  
She sighed, sliding off the windowsill and sat down on the bed. "So Angel, what's going on around here? It's like this atmosphere, something obviously happened."  
  
He looked at her for a minute, debating whether he should tell her or not, he looked into her stormy eyes and decided she deserved to know and began to tell her the tale of Darla being brought back to life, his subsequent downfall and eventually sleeping with her. Then, her returning to Los Angeles, heavily pregnant, Connor's birth, and memories he had of this baby he had created and finally, Wesley's betrayal.  
  
Buffy didn't say anything when he had finished, but motioned for him to lay down with her. She pulled him close to her and buried her head into his chest, breathing in his scent. It felt good to tell her, release his bottled up feelings out. It also felt good to be held by someone who understood and shared his pain. He closed his eyes and for the first in months, slept without any nightmares haunting him.  
  
When he woke up in the morning she was gone and a note was in her place.  
  
Angel,  
  
I decided to go back and I knew if I waited until morning I would change my mind. It's something I know I have to do.   
  
Thank you so much for letting me stay here. It meant so much to me and I don't think there was any chance of me getting back onto my feet if it hadn't have been for you.   
  
I would love it if we could stay in contact, phone, letters, email, text. There's no excuse anymore!  
  
Yours always,  
  
Buffy  
  



End file.
